Tottenham’s existential strife, and a couple of heartwarming stories from the soccer world

QUOTE

“Style needs to be in the second moment because for now it is a question of life and death - if I can say that sportingly.”

Spurs’ interim gaffer Igor Tudor sportingly describing his team’s current brush with death, ie the Championship.

Grief for the thing with feathers

Those of you who keep up with the important news through the week will already be familiar with the heroic actions of Turkish footballer Gani Catan. In case you, weirdly, missed it, here’s the gist:

During the seventh-division title decider between Istanbul Yurdum Spor and Mevlanakapi Guzelhisar, a low-flying seagull was hit by a goalie’s kick-out and was left lying motionless on the pitch with its legs in the air.

Catan, the captain of the Istanbul side, ran to its aid and started performing CPR on the poor critter while players from both teams gathered around to watch. The ref hovered too, possibly not sure whether to book him for time-wasting or nominate him for the Fifa Humanitarian of the Year award.

Eventually, AFP reported, the bird started breathing, so Catan “carried it off the pitch to medical staff, who took care of it”. The game resumed, Catan’s side lost on penalties, but it didn’t dampen his mood. “It’s a wonderful thing to have helped save a life - this was more important than the championship.”

In the aftermath, he received animal rights organisation Peta’s “Hero to Animals” award, while his club is considering adding a seagull to its crest. It was, undoubtedly, the feelgood tale of the week, enough to leave anyone with a heart blubbering with emotion. Just lovely.

Until AFP banjaxed the euphoria with an update: “The story ended sadly, however, as the bird later died.” RIP.

NUMBER: 138

The average price, in euro, of a ticket for a PSG home game, making them the most expensive side to watch in Europe, according to a newly published Uefa report. Mon Dieu.

WORD OF MOUTH

“The only thing I noticed different was the smell of weed in the tunnel before the game.”

Preston North End manager Paul Heckingbottom after his side’s game away to Swansea City when the Welsh club’s co-owner Snoop Dogg paid his first visit to the ground - and its, eh, tunnel.

“I think Gianni is a man of the people, and he’s always out there celebrating the great parts of the sport. I think he’s made great contributions to the world of football.”

NFL legend Tom Brady paying tribute to Fifa president Gianni Infantino - with a straight face too.

“On the eve of a match, he would drink wine at the hotel, or beers. He hardly slept at all. He’d come banging on my door around three in the morning to wake me up. He is crazy. But he would score hat-tricks after all that.”

Ben Chilwell on his former Leicester team-mate Jamie Vardy’s somewhat unique prematch preparations.

Not such a perfect match

No more than the attempt to save a seagull’s life, there was a beautiful moment in Guatemalan football last week when Club Xelaju player Derrickson Quiros proposed to his girlfriend on the pitch after their win over Marquense.

Quiros got down on one knee, asked his partner to marry him, she said yes, and the few hundred auld romantics watching on in the stadium applauded wildly. “My life partner, I love you so much,” said Quiros on Instagram later. Your heart wouldn’t have been able for it.

Will they live happily ever after? Eh, no. Three days later: “My relationship has ended,” Quiros announced. His now ex-fiancee: “In the end, there will never be a better answer than the one that silence offers.” Life partners for three days, then.

Spot the wrong ball

It’s not that football isn’t popular in Australia, it certainly is, but, of course, for quite a few folk from there, “football” means the Australian Rules version. People like, say, department store chain Kmart.

Last week they put an ad on their website promoting the upcoming Asian Cup campaign of the Matildas (the national women’s soccer/football team). It featured a model wearing a Matildas shirt and holding ...an Aussie Rules football.

Any notion they might have been having a chuckle was quashed when they speedily replaced the photo with one featuring no ball at all. Morto.

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